i fucking hate myself for hurting you
ve been ranting
but i have to say you are millions time precious
N: I’m a fucking idiot
me: and that, too
N: yeah
me: you shouldnt be in love with me still
N: thanks a heap
me: am double trouble
N: fine
have certainly fucked me up
anyway
whatever
me: if it s enough to pay what you ve done to me, i ll send you one of my ears
weirdo
N: ?
not funny
me: i mean me is a weirdo
suddenly i thought so
N: but thanks for trying
1:54 PM I wish I could get over you em
or that I had half the fucking distractions
1:55 PM me: urg, you know…
N: urrrg what?
1:56 PM I don’t know anything
me: you know we ve had enuf words
and we should not complicate it further
and you know i wish the best for you
more than i can say
and i need to go pee
but i ll be back in a min
N: . . .
1:58 PM me: back
2:01 PM N: yeah
and?
2:02 PM me: and finishing up your release
e: sending
N: thanks em
me: i feel good
tadatadatadatada
2:26 PM N: congratulations
good to hear
2:27 PM me: haha, you look so cute
with that emoticon
N: x-(
me: kakak
and that too
N: is that better?
x-( x-( x-( x-( x-( x-(
2:28 PM thanks for the release em
2:29 PM will sort you out when I see you if that’s ok
or let me know if you need it sooner
2:31 PM me: money you mean?
N: what else would I be talking about
me: i ll put it on record still have cash from the amoun u lent me
still have cash from the amoun u lent me though wait till the rent payday comes
bugger
: i love it
2:34 PM i mean … the writing is cool
N: nice
me: you re cool people
N: well
glad you enjoyed it
and glad you think so
2:35 PM me: it s true
N: thanks em
wil be in hcmc in a few weeks
am petrified of seeing you anyway
to be honest
2:43 PM me: while am intimidated
to be honest back
N: why?
2:44 PM me: it s traumatizing for me
to ever do anything that makes u sad
sad is not the right word
or say, to do anything harmful to you
N: so what are you planning on doing?
or saying?
2:45 PM me: i want to see you move on from me
N: great
me: i know
N: do you not care at all em?
2:46 PM me: i do
that s why
N: am I just nasty past history to you?
me: no
i just cant afford hurting you again
N: and you’re planning on doing that?
me: not at all
no
2:47 PM but somehow, there s some leftover
that puts me on stress
N: what leftover?
me: that i would sometime hurt you again
some emotional depression we went through
for either side
N: . . .
I just wish we had had a chance em
2:48 PM and we never really did
and that hurts me everyday
to know
that everybody else
oliver or whoever
has had the chance to be with you everyday
and to discover that it works or doesn’t
and I never have
or we never have
2:49 PM it makes me so fucking angry
at myself
and at you in a way
me: somehow in the memories of us together, fully or half
involve some extreme feelings
N: so what are you saying?
2:50 PM me: i want you to move on from me
N: because?
me: again, bcus i cant afford hurting you again
N: we’re going in fucking circle
me: i want you to forever be in my inner circle
N: s
2:51 PM fuck
sorry em
2:52 PM I know you don’t need this
but you’re going to actually have to talk to me one day
2:53 PM me: i guess that s another thing too anh
it s ironical how as i know you love me and i trust you the most in the world
N: then?
me: that s a solace sometimes
2:54 PM and at other times, is a felt of responsibility
like i feel i ask myself to make you happy
demand
N: is that what that weekend in hcmc was about?
trying to make me happy?
2:55 PM me: no, taking you out for one night is not that much i could do
N: well . . .
2:56 PM and you know that’s not what I’m talking about
me: the kiss you mean?
N: yeah
that and the rest
2:57 PM me: no, not
it was … about me
me being drunk and comfortable around you
N: . . . .
2:58 PM and if you were’nt drunk?
me: i woudl not have done that
N: great
2:59 PM ok
wahtever
I have to go
3:00 PM me: sorry, please know i care about you very much without trying to promise that we ll be back together anytime soon
3:01 PM and pls know am trying to be honest and fair to you
